Welcome dear one. This is a post from The Reflection Series, a series of posts I did for my old site a few years back when I had just moves from Canada.
In this particular post I dive into the darker side of the process and what showed up for me as I painfully parted with the old in search of the new.
I hope through this you learn more about me and my journey, and find solace if you’re going through something similar.
Welcome back for Part 3 of The Reflection Series. I’m so excited to be continuing this story for you, and chronicling my journey from the past few years.
So far we’ve talked about intuition. We’ve talked about miracles. We’ve talked about joy, adventure, and giving the “Yes!”.
… So now, I’m going to open the door to another piece of this experience — a side that’s a bit less full of shockingly beautiful apartments, travels, and excitement.
I want to dive into the shadow side.
Truly, I wish I could tell you that my transition from Canada to the US was without hiccups, or any pain other than homesickness.
But the reality is — transformation doesn’t work that way.
When you want to create change for yourself at a fundamental level, to live in alignment, and to make moves that will put you on the road to what your heart wants most dearly, and the life you’ve always dreamed of creating?
It means you’re going to have let go of things. Big things. Things you thought were going to be a part of your life forever — or at least a longer period of time.
It’s going to hurt. Badly.
It’s going to make you question everything you thought you wanted because that sacrifice is going to feel like such a massive hurdle you won’t be able to breathe.
However, I want you to ask yourself: How can we truly trust in the path ahead if we’re not tested? How can we courageously pursue the calling of our souls if there is no fear to grapple with on the journey?
It’s still so hard to write this… but here I go:
For me, continuing my journey meant letting go of my relationship of over 10 years.
Still — despite the fact I knew the decision I had to make would be the best, strongest choice for me… I sat with the decision for weeks.
As I weighed my thoughts and feelings, I felt like I was staring down an endless, dark cavern with a tiny speck of light at the end. A speck so small I wasn’t even certain it was there.
I went back and forth. Did it still feel right? Were we the right people for each other? Was everything I had to give in the relationship enough? Was he prepared for the journey in front of me? Was I prepared enough to support him where he was at? Could we find enough common ground for our ever-diverging paths to converge again?
I took a personal inventory and thought about all the changes I needed to make, and the patterns I needed to break.
One of my biggest patterns over the last five years has been a tendency to throw myself deeper into my work when dealing with a personal challenge. From speaking to my female mentors and colleagues about this, I’ve come to realize I’m not alone on this one.
When conflict arises in my personal life, if I can duck into a new project, or a new concept or launch? I grab hold of it with both arms in order to avoid dealing with whatever’s in front of me.
What tipped the scales was a question I have constantly asked myself for years:
Would I choose this again, at this moment of my life?
This hire, this place to live, this routine, this relationship.
My partner had walked with me through the first tumultuous years of my business and cheered me on every step of the way. I am grateful to him for so much.
Yet when I looked at the direction my life was headed, I realized: I would not choose him to be with in that moment. I would not be staying for the right reasons. With everything I wanted to do and create, I couldn’t be a part of the relationship in the way I once was. It was not fair to either of us.
And so, we parted ways.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and as I said the words my heart felt like it was being blown apart.
Still, I realized in that moment, and in the hours, days, and weeks I spent reflecting afterwards: I was feeling it all. I was really feeling, and no longer in avoidance mode.
I had said yes again to a seemingly impossible thing — first, my move to the U.S.. Then, my decision to settle in L.A.. And finally, to walk through what would be the most humbling, challenging transition of my life completely alone.
“Would I choose this, right now in this moment?”
I’ve been sitting with that question still, as I work through the rebrand of She Takes on the World, and rethink our look, our message and what I share, and our mission.
Asking ourselves the hard questions and taking the right steps, even when they’re uncomfortable, even when they break our hearts in half and we grieve, is a healthy, important part of being alive.
It’s impossible to avoid when we want to do the work that serves our souls.
It’s a non-negotiable if we want to live in alignment with who we are, and who we can be.
At its core? It’s ultimate power.
When I decided to make the move.
When I decided to leave my relationship.
When I decided She Takes on the World was ready for a transformation.
In all of those split seconds, my entire world changed by my own choice.
And it’s made me realize: We have so much more strength and power than we give ourselves credit for. When we empower ourselves to do what’s right, even when it hurts beyond belief, we set a course for all the light on the other side of the shadows as we hold our vision for our future.
Just like stepping into what you know is right, letting go of what you know isn’t takes so much bravery. And it’s a power that lies in all of us.
Can you feel it within you, too?
So to wrap this, I want you to ask yourself that huge, critical question:
Looking at your life as it is now, and the life you want to create in your future…
Would you choose everything you have again, right here in this moment?
If the answer is yes, I bow to you! That’s the kind of satisfaction that real happiness stems from — and I hope you stay in that joyful space always!
But if the answer is “no”?
I want you to lean into that.
I want you to journal on it. Weigh it. Dive into it, and don’t shy away from it.
Because just like trusting your intuition for changes that are filled with light and excitement – trusting your intuition for those more challenging moments is just as important.
I wish you well. I wish you luck. And I wish you all the brilliance, love, and fulfillment worthy of making the difficult decisions you may have to make.
Just know: It’s something we all have to go through. And the choice really is yours.