On Shame and the Healing Power of Honesty

For this installment of Superhuman September, I want to share something that’s been on my heart:

Aiming to be “superhuman” isn’t all about green juice and planning for your goals.

It also includes being honest with yourself about what’s not working, what’s frustrating you, and what’s not so great.

I’ve shared a lot in recent months about the challenges I’ve faced over the last year; about my move, and ending my relationship, and the challenges of bringing an entire life and business to a whole other country.

I’m currently also facing some obstacles I can’t talk about quite yet — the biggest I’ve ever faced due to some unexpected events. And on top of all that? I’m also a bit shamefaced to admit: everything I had planned as part of our rebrand (our new website, my series with Entrepreneur Magazine, and more) has been delayed.

The hardest part? There’s no real reason why besides “It’s just taking longer than it needs to.”

I have an excellent team who are working hard around the clock. But technology and timelines haven’t been where we need them to be.

These things happen. It’s part of the journey of entrepreneurship, and the lesson I keep learning is that sometimes we just can’t force the universe to pan out the way we want it to.

It doesn’t feel great. It’s definitely not fun. But sometimes things have to fall apart to fall into place, even if it doesn’t seem as if they will.

I think a lot of us carry guilt and shame about something, especially as entrepreneurs — we worry that our website isn’t good enough, that our ideas aren’t good enough, or that we’re not good enough.

But part of being superhuman involves being able to face the darker stuff.

Right now, I know you might be harboring some frustrations. Maybe you’re trying to launch too, or develop a new concept, or switch up your business model.

And maybe it’s not going as well as you hoped.

There’s no instant solution. But in my experience, the best thing you can do is…?

… Talk about it. Share about it. And be open. #NameYourShame and I promise it will lose its power.

They say “sunlight is the best disinfectant”, and that’s especially true for digital entrepreneurship. When we’re open about our difficulties, we give ourselves space to learn, and teach others the lessons we absorb along the way.

The more clandestine and quiet we are? The harder it is to hurdle over our challenges and love ourselves.

It would amaze you how much can happen when you choose to be vulnerable and open about whatever it is you’re facing. It’s all part of the journey.

Our transparency allows us to shine in the light of our self-love and acceptance, and turn our challenges into even greater teachers.

That’s why being superhuman isn’t just about health or productivity. It’s about being vulnerable, and allowing ourselves to be exactly who we are, in the experiences we’re having.

Make no mistake! We’ll jump back into planning and more “technical” superhuman stuff. But I wanted to share this with you first.

If you find yourself in a hole of “entrepreneur shame” feeling like nothing’s going right, and nothing will get done? There are two things I love to do:

First: Write down all the things that are making you feel ashamed on a sheet of paper. Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge them.

My @#$% site still hasn’t launched…
I haven’t had a day off in months…
My signature program I worked so hard on isn’t selling well…

Then, head outside (emphasis on this part!) with your favorite candle and a lighter, and set the piece of paper on fire. As you watch your shame burn, repeat positive reminders to yourself:

The site will launch when it’s ready.
I commit to taking off this Saturday.
I’ll take a breath from marketing my program, then come back and revisit my strategy.

Then the second part: Share about it.

Head to Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram, or your blog, and be open. Talk as openly as you wish about what you learned, and what’s ahead for you. Share what’s on your mind and heart.

Then… watch what happens.

Be vulnerable. Be true to your journey.

Be superhuman.

And before you go, I’d love to know:

Do you have a favorite way to overcome frustrations when everything seems to be going wrong? A ritual or method that helps to heal your heart?

I invite you to share it with me and your fellow readers in the comments below.

I’ll see you next week!